As every parent with sons will know, there comes a time in every little boy’s life when – out of nowhere – he suddenly discovers his willy … and dutifully become completely obsessed with it (a bond which, I should say, only grows stronger as the years go by).
And while of course this process is completely natural, a means of discovering their body in the most innocent of ways, this growing obsession can often seem quite disturbing for anyone who happens to observe it.
Because, much in the same way that a baby boy will bite, grab, kick and throw any new toy that ends up in their immediate vicinity, the same goes for this most delicate of appendages, which naïve little boys of a certain age seem to pull, flick, hit and fumble at any (and every) given opportunity.
So, to cover this important life lesson in the gentlest of ways, I thought I’d express this particular piece of fatherly advice as a poem, in the hope of encouraging my son (and every other little boy out there) that your willy is not a toy, and should be treated with the utmost respect.
After all, you only get one, so breaking it should be avoided at all costs…
***
YOUR WILLY IS NOT A TOY
.
Yes, you have a willy,
it’s what makes you a boy,
but please be advised, son,
that thing’s not a toy…
.
At this stage of life,
it’s just used for peeing,
so try not to break it
(for your own wellbeing).
.
I know it seems fun
and can be a right laugh,
to give it a tug
while you’re bored in the bath.
.
Or how, when you’re naked,
it makes you quite happy,
to give it a flick
as I’m changing your nappy.
.
And how, yes, it jiggles
whenever you cough,
but yank it much harder,
it just might come off…
.
It’s true, when you stretch it,
it does look quite long,
but don’t pinch the end, son,
that’s all kinds of wrong…
.
It may seem small now,
but that’s perfectly fine.
Just eat all your veggies,
it’ll be bigger than mine.
.
It’s not made of plastic,
so handle with care,
‘cos causing it damage
would be a nightmare.
.
As not much on earth
could be less appealing
than having a todger
with no sense of feeling.
.
And nobody wants that;
it wouldn’t be funny.
You can’t buy another
for love nor for money.
.
Plus when you get older
it’ll be much more fun;
I won’t tell you why yet
‘cos you’re only one…
.
But trust me on this, boy,
when you’re big and tall,
your willy will be your
best friend of them all.
***
I hope you’ve enjoyed today’s poem! If you know any other parents of little boys that are going through this same ‘period of discovery’, and could do with a laugh, please do share this with them on your socials to help spread the love!
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