After 16 months of fatherhood, I thought I’d avoided this most dreaded parenting milestone; baby’s first poo in the bath.
“Oh, that’s never happened to us,” I’d say smugly. “I think we’re well past that now.”
I was wrong.
So for any new parents still to experience this inevitable right of passage (and for any who have their own baby’s bath poo story burned into their subconscious), here’s a little summary of the emotional journey you can expect to go on when it happens to you…
Ah, bath time. Gotta be my favourite time of the day.
“Ooh, are you standing up? What a clever…”
What was that noise?
“Sit down now…let’s have a little wishy washy”
What’s that toy you’re holding?
I don’t remember putting that in the bath…
Wait, what is that?
What the actual fuck is that?!
Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit! SHIIIIIIT!!!
Seriously kid…DROP IT!
DON’T PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH!
Oh my God. Oh my GOD!
How many of them are there?
Three and a half…
You’re gonna have to fish them out.
Where’s the poo net?
I thought we had a poo net.
Why don’t we have a poo net?!
You’ll have to do it with your hand.
There must be another way?
Just do it.
This isn’t too bad.
More solid than I was expecting.
But where the fuck do I put them?
In the bin?
Down the loo, you numpty.
Well done you.
Pat yourself on the back…
…once you’ve washed your hands.
There’s still more floaty bits hanging around.
GET THE BABY OUT OF THE BATH NOW!!
You’ve got to re-wash him first.
“Come on baba. Wishy washy. Wishy washy.”
No pooey bum?
How did you manage that?
I can’t BELIEVE this happened for the first time while I was in charge…
The grossest things ALWAYS happen on my watch.
Do we tell mummy?
Or flush away the evidence?
She needs to see this.
She’d want to see this.
“We’ve got a little present for you…”
So, has this happened to you yet? If so, was your emotional journey the same or did it pan out differently for you? Is there such a thing as a poo net? Where can we buy one?
As always, we’d love to hear from you so please do share your thoughts and experiences with the Group in the comments section below!