As boys we are programmed from a young age to behave a certain way. Big boys don’t cry. Man up. Don’t be a girl. That’s gay. Only girls talk about their feelings. Be a man!
It’s no wonder that, as a group, we are far less likely than women to talk about our mental health with friends and family, or consider seeking the help and support we might need.
Research suggests that new dads are particularly vulnerable in this area, and are more likely to experience mental heath conditions during the early years of fatherhood; impacting on their relationships and the bond they have with their children. Shockingly, suicide still remains the biggest killer of men under 45.
Something has to change.
Which is why I wanted to write this poem in support of Paternal Mental Health Week – an unofficial (though it should be official) seven day event set up by the brilliant Emma from @thepsychologymum on Instagram to raise awareness of this seriously important issue.
To encourage us all to give more support to the boys and men in our lives. Someone to talk to. Someone to listen. Because, though we may look tough on the outside, we’re all made of the same stuff. And while we may not often talk openly about our feelings, that doesn’t necessarily mean that everything’s OK…
***
Are you there for him?
For the boy
Who doesn’t fit the mould
Who’d rather read
Than play in goal
Who’s nervous, shy,
A gentle soul
Don’t say, “be a man”
Just be there for him
.
Or the teen
Who’s told he’s too fat, too thin
Who’s teased, picked last
Can never win
Who feels like they
Just don’t fit in
Don’t leave him out
Just be there for him
.
And the dad-to-be
Who must stay strong
When another pregnancy
Goes wrong
Who holds it in
For far too long
Ask how he is
And be there for him
.
Or the working father
Staying late
To put food
On his family’s plate
When pressure builds
And becomes too great
Would it help him to know
that you’re there for him?
.
To the full time dad
The only guy
In a sea of mums
Who float on by
Without a glance
Or even a hi
Don’t leave him out
Just be there for him
.
‘Cos all it takes
Is one kind word
To make a dark day
Seem less blurred
Don’t keep it in
Don’t stay unheard
So ask, listen, talk,
And be there for him.
***
Thanks for reading today’s poem. If the words resonated with you at all and you’d like to show your support and help raise awareness of men’s mental health, please share this poem on social media using the hashtag #thereforhim. Because together we can make a difference, one boy/man/dad at a time…
And if you yourself are suffering in silence, struggling to manage your own mental health, you can find further free support from mental health charities MIND and CALM via these links.
I absolutely love this, Giles. Nice work!!
I love your poems and I especially love this one. Just read it to my husband and teared up… simply beautiful and very poignant.
Author
Thanks Annie! So pleased you liked it!
This is truly brilliant, I wished you had written this years ago it would of given me hope when I was going though some very dark times in my life and I simply shut it away. A fab cause and hope it reaches men and gives them hope in their hour of need.
Such a good post and poem. Great cause to promote buddy
Not just an instagrammer but a superb poet too! Love how they way you’ev identified some very clear fatherhood and male audiences and directed your poem at them all. very cleverly done Giles and a wonderful cause to promote.
Author
Thanks John!!