Too early to announce you’re pregnant? My top tips for throwing everyone off the scent!

As anyone in a long term relationship will attest, there comes a stage in every couple’s life when at each and every family or social occasion, someone will say, “I suspect it won’t be long until we hear the pitter patter of tiny feet?!” or the more threatening alternative, “You’ll be next!

Now, I won’t go into my well-trodden rant about why that line of questioning is just so inappropriate and insensitive (at least not yet), but as newly pregnant parents-to-be, 7 weeks in, it’s getting harder and harder to hide it.

Unhelpfully there are a wide range of clues during the first trimester that can send your nearest and dearest into pregnancy rumour overload; a sudden drop in the mum-to-be’s alcohol intake, an aversion to certain foods, leaving parties early, an unusually weak bladder and of course the hard to hide affects of her ever growing morning sickness.

So, to help all expectant parents keep their pregnancy secret a secret, I have compiled my top 10 tips on how best to throw your friends, family and work colleagues off the scent until you are ready to announce your happy news in your own sweet time.

Disclaimer: while the following recommendations are predominantly for the mum-to-be to action, each requires you and your partner to work as a team if you’re ever going to pull them off!

1. Misdirection through social media

Everyone lies on social media, or at least most people’s online posts project a much more glamorous version of life than reality. So, while your pregnant partner may be feeling bloated, be in bed by 9pm and smell a bit ‘vomity’ most mornings, your social followers don’t need to know that.

Channeling Gerard Depardieu and Andie MacDowell in 80s classic movie Green Card, take photos of you both dressed up for a night out, and post them on Facebook labelled DATE NIGHT!!, Instagram photos of a table full of cocktails with the hashtag #letsgetwasted and don’t forget to Tweet about your ‘epic hangovers’ the next day. Nobody needs to know you actually spent the night on the sofa watching Netflix in your pyjamas.

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2. Get your pregnant partner to drive to every social event

The perfect excuse for why your other half is not drinking at a social gathering…but you may have to fake a ‘lost Oyster Card / bus pass’ or ‘early meeting the next day’ as a reason for driving in the first place.

This plan has a few added perks for dads-to-be who can enjoy a guilt free night of drinking with a free taxi ride home!

3. Mix your own drinks at parties

If you’re at a party or have people round for dinner, suggest doing spirits/cocktails rather than beer or wine. Just make sure that you, the dad-to-be, takes charge of mixing the drinks all night, ensuring that you ‘accidentally’ omit the spirits from your pregnant partner’s glass.

The ruse works even better if your partner shouts “make mine a double” every time you head to the bar.

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4. Develop an intense and vocal dislike for children

This tactic works best for those expectant parents who aren’t the broody type in the first place. Whenever kids are in your vicinity or the subject of having children comes up in conversation, turn up your nose and pull your ‘I’ve just smelt a fart’ face, exclaiming “Oh God, I couldn’t think of anything worse” or “Nightmare children – they’ve put me right off!” Little do they know how excited you are to be growing your own at this very moment!

5. Create a false timescale

If, however, everyone already knows that you and your partner want kids, it won’t be long before the rumour mill starts grinding away. So rather than denying it, simply throw people off the track by suggesting a longer timeframe than reality.

The following phrases have been tried and tested by me and work a treat…

It’s much too soon to start thinking of having a baby – we haven’t even been married a year!” or “We definitely want kids at some point, but we’ve agreed not to start trying until after the summer.

6. Climb upon your pregnancy high horse

Initiate rant accordingly…

I hate to be confrontational but asking anyone if they are trying for a baby or, indeed, when they are likely to start, is wildly inappropriate and incredibly insensitive – for all you know, I might have been trying unsuccessfully for months, have suffered a miscarriage (or multiple ones) or be on the waiting list for IVF. For all you know, by asking such an insensitive and nosey question you might be opening up a serious emotional wound for my wife and I, making us relive a hugely painful experience. As it happens, we’re not pregnant but I think it’s probably best you keep those questions to yourself in future, don’t you?!!

Feel free to amend accordingly and add your own expletives for a more personal touch, but I find this generally does the trick, especially with any overzealous work colleagues that you particularly dislike!

7. Kick start an imaginary diet

You can either do this together or individually but taking on a new imaginary but hardcore diet plan is another excellent excuse for staying off the booze, while also explaining a sudden change in your eating habits or any weight loss linked to morning sickness. The 5:2 diet or (more manly) Marine diet are good ones to mention as both recommend cutting out alcohol completely…

8. The classic – I’m on antibiotics

imageAs everyone knows, you can’t drink while taking antibiotics, so this excuse is universally effective as a means of disguising any sudden abstinence from newly pregnant mums. But remember, the average course of antibiotics lasts only a week, so be careful stretching out the lie too long or you will definitely raise suspicion!

9. Arrange a sushi party

A sushi party I hear you say? But you can’t eat sushi when you’re pregnant?! Exactly – hence why there’s no better way to throw the gossips off the baby trail.

imageFor any friends and family that you fear are getting close to discovering your secret, why not try organising an event such as a sushi making (and eating) party, to infer to one and all that you are definitely NOT ‘with child’.

Better yet, organise the party to take place after your 12 week scan, so that you can use the event to reveal to all your nearest and dearest that you have been secretly pregnant all along! At this point, feel free to scrap the sushi theme – your baby news will more than make it up to your guests for the change of menu.

10. Take up a dangerous hobby

Of course I can’t condone actually taking up a dangerous life-threatening hobby, least of all when you are pregnant or an expectant father, however that shouldn’t stop you talking about doing so.

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Whether it be planning an epic bungee jump, learning to skydive or taking up couples’ knife throwing, just the thought of it will bring doubt into the minds of anyone wanting to ask if you’re pregnant. For added effectiveness, try roping in some of your mates too to make the dangerous ruse even more believable, at the same time as winning some serious ‘man points’ for the size of your cojones!

I hope you’ve enjoyed today’s blog. If you have any other top excuses you have used to hide your pregnancy news, please do share with the group in the comments section below!

Good luck! 32 weeks and 3 days left to go.

Finally, for more daily updates, please keep in touch on Instagram and Twitter #digitaldadtobe

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20 Comments

  1. 31st March 2016 / 4:12 pm

    This is so hilariously and so weird at the same time. lol! I think #2. Get your pregnant partner to drive to every social event – is the smartest one of all – though if happened to me… I would not be so pleased! haha
    Thank you so much for linking with us on #FabFridayPost

  2. 26th March 2016 / 3:43 pm

    This is brilliant. I told my family and a few close friends straight away as we had some big social events planned and they knew full well as soon as I said I wasn’t drinking that I was pregnant! Then told everybody else after the scan. It is difficult and I am generally pretty open so keeping my own secret was hard! #FabFridayPost

  3. 26th March 2016 / 9:52 am

    I used the oh I don’t like certain foods and the antibiotics one. But on my first pregnancy (I was naive) I announced it straight away. I was totally unaware of the waiting until you’re 12 weeks thing. By the time number 2 and 3 happened I could barely hide it at al and was already showing a bump by 10 weeks. Great post. #FabFridayPost

  4. 25th March 2016 / 12:07 pm

    This is brilliant! Such a funny post, good to know for later one! #FabFridayPost

  5. 18th February 2016 / 7:54 am

    Ha I love the photo about when is it okay to ask a woman is she pregnant…. never is defintiely the answer, eek just imagine if you got it wrong?! I told everyone early on with both of my pregnancies, but regretted it as I had the ‘haven;t you had that baby yet’ comments for a lot longer than I needed to be tortured with them 😉

    Thanks for linking up to #PicknMix

    Stevie 🙂

    • 18th February 2016 / 8:11 am

      Poor you! From everything I’ve read from all you excellent mum bloggers, that seems to be the biggest frustration around the due date!!

  6. 13th February 2016 / 6:45 am

    Excellent list, both effective and humorous! I had to go to a work conference in my first trimester which involved a lot of drinking and eating out. I think by the end of it my co-workers thought I was a boring, tee-total with a bunch of weird food phobias. The worst part about it was that the food and wine was spectacular, expensive stuff and I would have loved to indulge! Great read, I enjoyed this very much. All the best for the next 32 weeks 🙂

  7. 12th February 2016 / 6:54 pm

    Haha, this is brilliant! I thought I was being super stealthy at a Christmas meal with my family in the early stages of pregnancy … accepted a glass of wine, took a little ‘sip’, then my husband sneakily drank the rest when no-one was watching. After we announced the pregnancy my sister said ‘I know. That was the fakest looking sip of wine I’ve ever seen.’

    Oops!

    Thanks for the tips! 😉

    • 12th February 2016 / 7:05 pm

      Haha! So hard not to let it slip accidentally!

  8. 12th February 2016 / 3:33 pm

    Haha, all great ideas to keep your news a secret. I particularly like the social media lies one, very clever indeed. I found living miles away from family worked in my favour for once as no one was around to notice me looking rough as hell due to morning sickness. Good luck for the next 32weeks, I look forward to reading about your journey 🙂 x #picknmix

  9. 12th February 2016 / 2:51 pm

    Hehe, some great tips! I had to announce really early just because morning sickness kicked in almost instantly and my colleagues were like, you need to go home and get over this bug! 🙂 x #picknmix

    • 12th February 2016 / 3:03 pm

      Glad it all worked out for you! Thanks for your comment!

  10. 11th February 2016 / 10:23 pm

    LOL…Brilliant strategies! I like the social media idea — that’s so true! You can create whatever storyline you want – wine, beer, hangovers, cheese and sushi! Thanks for sharing with #abitofeverything

  11. 11th February 2016 / 9:22 pm

    Haha – good tips! Not being a drinker at any time definitely helps – the alcohol seems to be the main clue for many as far as I can see. Then, by my second pregnancy, I totally nailed keeping it secret…by not knowing about it until 12 weeks! #MMWBH

    • 11th February 2016 / 10:31 pm

      My wife’s the same on the drinking front, which helps! Although every time she refuses a drink, you know what people are thinking!

  12. 10th February 2016 / 9:24 pm

    Love it and agree the letsgetwasted hashtag is genius! Good luck keeping your news under wraps. #MMWBH

  13. 9th February 2016 / 12:26 pm

    Hahahaha! This had me in stitches which is nearly impossible before I’m caffeinated in the morning. #letsgetwasted is a keeper

    -misadventures of a 20-something mom

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